autumn: as the leaves turn

"For me the most accurate comment on motherhood is that it makes your life twice as bad and twice as good. There is suffering and unsatisfactoriness, but love saves us."
                                                Sarah Napthali Buddhim for Mothers


Autumn has well and truly set in around here and it's not only the positive side of this glorious season that we are experiencing at the moment. Colds and aches have set in.

My six month old baby Tess is back to cat napping throughout the day and wanting to be fed every two hours during the day, three hours at night. Poor little thing is struggling, but then so is her  mother trying to give her everything she needs whilst still have reserves left over for the other three members of the family (not to mention herself :)

Recently we found out that my (soon to be three year old) daughter needs to have her tonsils and adenoids removed. 'Enormous' was how the specialist termed them. When I spoke with my sister-in-law about this, whose own son underwent the same operation many moons ago, she warned me of the way little eyes roll back in their heads and mouths drop open as they go under the anaesthetic. This image was almost enough to have me running to the phone to cancel the operation. Then I remembered the infections and the constant courses of antibiotics that have wracked my poor daughter's body this year alone. I only recently found out when we saw the Eand T specialist the function of the adenoids and tonsils. Apparently they are part of our immune system but when they are 'enormous' as Gaby's are then they become a burden on the immune system. Which is why her body has been unable to fight off the constant infections. So in the long run I know this operation will be the best thing for her. Doesn't mean I don't wish it wasn't necessary. For a child that suffers almost constantly from an internal itch (not to mention the allergies that we do know she has - egg, dairy and peanut) I would do almost anything to alleviate her pain and make her comfortable. I don't know if this operation will help with her scratching but I hope it will. I visited the health food shop and found some immune-boosting tonic (in the form of a German-made juice concoction) for the kids and some echinacea immune boosting vitamins for myself and the Captain. We may be a bit late but I figure it's still worth a try.

Yesterday after a tanturm that involved some serious screaming and body throwing insisitng that she wasn't tired, Gaby then went on to sleep for more than two hours. Bed time was barely affected by this as I am sure we are all suffering from near exhaustion.

Our citrus trees are starting to fruit but they are still quite green. I can't wait for the lemons to ripen as I am in dire need of honey and lemon teas at the moment. My own throat is raw and scratchy, my neck is stiff and sore and the fact that I spend half the night falling asleep in the rocking chair nursing my baby doesn't seem to help.

This first term of school has certainly been a trying one for us all. For a family that had very little in the way of daily stresses we are now tiring under the pressure of getting everyone up and out everyday. And as much as I want to lament those lost days of being at home all day everyday I have to remember that this is simply a new stage, one that is good but that just needs some getting used to. I have lots of time with Gaby throughout the day, learning about her and what she likes to do without being under Nico's shadow. Nico is starting to show signs of missing me, missing our time together as the novelty of kindergarten is starting to wear off.  I make sure we have time for special catch up's each day - practising letters, reading library books from school, colouring in, or reading Enid Blyton's enchanting The Enchanted Wood before bed. There are cuddles and despite the weariness I am constantly reminding myself to smile.

"It also helps enormously to smile as often as possible, especially when you catch yourself worrying." Sarah Napthali, Buddhism for Mothers. For me it's not just when I'm worrying; I make a conscious effort to smile when I'm angry, irritated, frustrated or impatient. Sometimes I manage a big Cheshire-cat grin, others it's merely a Mona-Lisa type smirk. Either seem to help with my overall mood in the moment.

 

 

Autumn brings with it,however, other wonders - a time of staying indoors, preparing for the winter season so to speak. Nico with his love of animals is constantly asking which animals like this sort of weather. We discuss animals such as squirrels and rabbits, bilbies and bandicoots, small marsupials that like to collect their food before the cold sets in. Then we talk about America and Europe where they have such cold winters that no food is to be found on the ground. In the kitchen we make nourishing food like pumpkin soup, roast lamb and Anzac biscuits. The end of the heat of summer heralds a wonderful time of cooking in our house and it is something that I am starting to enjoy more now with Gaby, now that Nico is at school everyday. Just another change in the circle of life. 

So, yes, there is suffering and unsatisfactoriness, especially when illness sets in, but there is still a lot of love and everyday my children teach me more and more about love than I ever thought possible and that is most surely a blessing.

Note: the first two flower photos are taken by lovely sister-in-law.